every day i continue to suffocate

like i'm drowning in a sea of my own making

the past continues to haunt me, lingering over my shoulder

there's nothing i don't regret.

the future, in all its greatness, looms like a guillotine overhead

i just don't know what to do anymore

whether i try to move forwards or simply rest where i am

something comes back to me - in a dream, or in passing

to remind me of the sins i bear, to remind me of what i lost

the madness takes everything from me.

just as i find something good, when i think everything's settled...

it sweeps in like a storm, tearing everything up by its roots

there's something terrible inside of me, nurturing itself

growing like an embryo

i wish it was dead

but the only way to kill it is

something i'm just too afraid to do.

sometimes i hope you'll come back to me

i think that foolish thing is the only thing keeping me going

i'm so sick

i hate what i;ve become